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Rio Olympics 2016: My Take on It.

I cannot wait for the Olympics. I love danger, dodging bullets, and dysentery.

As if Zika virus alerts aren’t enough, in a week’s time, according to CNN and The Independent News several exciting things have happened in Rio in preparation for the Olympics next month.

Thinking it would be a grand idea to spice up the event, the government insisted that a jaguar be included to keep pace with the runners of the Olympic torch. The small problem was that this jaguar was not accustomed to crowds. It broke its leash and tore through the hoard of children and visitors. The Brazilian military, never hesitant to pull the trigger, began firing at the jaguar as the crowd dove for cover. The number of casualties aren’t known, but it is believed that none of the body parts that washed up on the Olympic beach volleyball court belonged to the victims.

The body parts that washed up on the Olympic beach volleyball court are thought to belong to an Australian tourist rather than a surgical patient at a local hospital. Hospital waste and 50% or more of the raw sewage from Rio is dumped into the ocean. A proud government official said the sanitation system is much improved. A few years ago only 11% of the sewage was diverted to a treatment facility.

Speaking of a bay being full of sewage, used toilet paper, and body parts, the Olympic sailing events will allow competitors to sample these waters first hand. If this isn’t exciting, how about adding a little drug resistant, super bacteria to the mix. One official was pictured holding up a glass beaker full of gray bay water while commenting, “Not bad. We will have the bay cleaned up by the time of the Olympics.” This, just before CNN announces the super bacteria findings.

Where can you go for safety? Not the hospital. A fierce gun battle erupted in one of the hospitals specifically designated for tourists and athletes just this week. On the streets, numerous Olympians and tourists have been robbed as the street thugs train for the big event. That isn’t all they are training for. Again this week, 30 men, 30, raped a teenager and posted it all over social media.

Regarding unbridled crime, the mayor is complaining that the police don’t care and the police complain that the mayor and state don’t care. Each have their points. On the side of the police, most aren’t as enthusiastic as they could be about putting their lives on the line for foreigners and Olympians. They haven’t been paid in months since there isn’t enough money in the budget for payroll.

On the mayor’s side, many of the police refuse to protect citizens and have a long history of corruption and brutality. He has at least attempted to address to brutality by taking away what were described as “heavy weapons.” My guess is bazookas, surface to air missiles, hand grenades, etc. All the fun stuff. No wonder the police are pissed.

Doesn’t all of this sound like more fun than cruising in Somali pirate waters? Don’t let the comments of the head of the Brazilian Olympic Committee, Carlos Arthur Nuzman dissuade you. With a sinister grin on his face, he said, “We are ready to start the games,” implying everything is perfect for mom, dad, and the children to come to this fun event.

I am breaking a sweat trying to pack my bags fast enough.

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